grief Archives - MINES and Associates

National Grief Awareness Day: How to Support Your Loved Ones After a Loss

Nic Mckane — Wed, 30 Aug 2023 15:23:21 +0000

Sadly, loss is a universal experience that every human being will go through at some point in their lives. Beloved people (and animals) die. Relationships end. You lose a job, you have to move to a different city, or you lose part of your identity.

It’s human to grieve when you experience a loss. Grief is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as “the anguish experienced after a significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.” We all know what grief feels like, but it can still be tricky to know how, exactly, to support someone who is grieving. You might not know what to say or worry about saying the wrong thing. In such situations it may be wise to seek out grief counseling services.

Here is a quick guide on what grief may (and may not) look like, and how to support loved ones and employees through this difficult time.

What does grief look like?

It’s important to realize that grief can look many different ways for different people. Most of the time, grief is characterized by intense emotional pain. Someone who is grieving might experience waves of longing and extreme sadness.

You might expect someone to be sad or tearful after experiencing a loss, but this isn’t always what grief looks like. And just because someone isn’t grieving in the way that you expect them to doesn’t mean that their grief isn’t valid.

On top of sadness and frequent crying, grief can appear as:

- Feeling angry or irritable; losing your temper often

- Feeling numb or “nothing”

- Distracting yourself with enjoyable activities

- Immersing yourself in work

- Taking time off to rest

- Feeling regret for the past

- Feeling relief that you no longer have to provide care

- Experiencing in denial and moving through life as if nothing has happened

- Looking into the future, and feeling excited about it

- Obsessively dwelling on memories and the past

- Experiencing physical symptoms including headaches, nausea, and fatigue

There is no “wrong” way to grieve, and any feelings that you may be having during this time are valid. This is why grief counseling services may be an ideal decision in such life circumstances since grief is a complex emotional rollercoaster.

How to support a loved one through grief

When someone you love is grieving, it can be hard to know what to do or say to support them. After all, what could you possibly say that would make their immense pain go away?

It may be helpful to remember that your role is to support and be present with your loved one, not to “fix” their pain or make their grief go away. Grief is a natural emotion, and there is nothing you can do to speed up the process – grief moves at its own pace, and that’s okay. The services from a grief counselor can help individuals or families navigate these troubling times at a pace desirable by all parties.

Here are some do’s and don’ts when someone in your life is grieving.

- Do make your support known. Say something like, “I just want you to know that I’m here for you and that you don’t have to go through this alone.”

- Don’t assume that the person doesn’t want to be alone. Many people prefer grieving on their own time, and may like to have some time away from people to process their feelings. Instead of being physically around your loved one all the time, ask them what they need. You might say something like, “Would you like me to sit here with you? We don’t need to talk about anything.”

- Do validate their feelings. Grief is a natural human emotion. Let them know that anything they’re feeling right now is okay.

- Don’t “silver line” their pain. For example, don’t say things like, “At least you can focus on yourself now instead of always taking care of them.” Your grieving loved one may come to these sentiments on their own, but trying to put a positive spin on grief can feel invalidating.

- Do take part in rituals and ceremonies. This could include attending public funerals for the deceased, but your loved one may also want you to be present at a more private ritual to honor the person they lost. Ask your loved one how they would like to honor and remember the deceased, both after the death as well as on anniversaries.

- Don’t give your loved one platitudes, like “They’re in a better place.” These sayings are rarely truly helpful, and can sometimes be invalidating.

- Do follow your loved one’s lead on how they want to spend their time while grieving. Remember that grief can look very different for different people. For example, if your grieving loved one wants to watch a funny movie and tells you that this will be helpful for them, then believe them. It isn’t your place to instruct them how they should grieve.

- Don’t try to ignore the loss or pretend like nothing happened. It can be hard for grieving people to talk about the loss; some people may feel like these conversations will be a burden to those around them. Let your loved ones know that they are not a burden and that you’re there to listen.

- Do hold space for silence. Sometimes, your friend may not want to talk. Your presence may be enough. It can be uncomfortable to sit in silence, but make sure you’re holding that space.

- Don’t make it about you. Although grief is a universal experience, it’s usually unhelpful to start talking about your past experiences with losing someone. Unless your loved one asks, keep the focus on them and their experience.

How managers can support grieving employees

It’s important for managers, in particular, to know how to support people through grief. Although most workplaces have a bereavement policy, grief can’t be contained within those few days. That means that, as a manager, you’ll have employees on your team who are grieving while coming to work – and you’ll need to know how to support them.

Here are some tips for managers on how to support employees who are grieving.

- Understand that personal life and work don’t exist in separate spheres – they all intersect. Expecting employees to “leave non-work problems at home” is unrealistic and can be damaging to morale. Grief will probably come up during business hours, and that’s okay.

- Acknowledge the loss. When your employee returns from bereavement leave, don’t go back to business as usual. Ask them how they’re feeling, and verbalize your support and empathy.

- Check-in with employees, especially when they’re noticeably upset. For example, if an employee’s been getting more frustrated than usual with their colleagues, touch base with them to ask how they’re feeling in a nonjudgmental manner.

- If possible, grant employees more time than officially required to grieve and handle logistics after a death. If they absolutely cannot take time 100% away from the office, understand that they may not be able to work at their usual capacity after they’ve experienced a loss.

- Refer your employee to grief counseling services if needed. Even the best managers can’t take on the role of a professional mental health therapist. Counselors can help employees process the loss and learn how to live in a world in which their loved one is no longer present.

If you’re a MINES client, you can always refer employees to our Employee Assistance Program. We offer 24/7 confidential and free counseling and grief counseling services for all of your employees, and our counselors can offer support for grief and other life issues.

To your wellbeing,

The MINES Team

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Total Wellbeing: April 2017

Nic Mckane — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 18:15:46 +0000

	April 2017: Physical Wellbeing and Grief/Loss
Get Involved! Welcome to the April issue of TotalWellbeing! If you have been following TotalWellbeing you know that every month we focus on one of the 8 Dimensions of Wellbeing. This month we will discuss the effects that grief and loss have on your physical wellbeing. At the same time, we will look at how your physical wellbeing can be a crucial step in successfully working through the stages of grief. Everyone experiences loss and grief differently, but regardless of how you process your loss, keeping up with your physical wellbeing is important. For a closer look at this month’s topic and helpful resources please check out *The Path* and *The Connection* below or check out our new infographic here! Next, make sure to catch up on your MINESblog reading because we covered a few important topics over the last month. Our founder, Dr. Robert Mines provided his perspective around eating disorder awareness week which was February 26 – March 4^th. Next, our team member Raena Chatwin explored how you can use imagination and exploration to find joy at work and in all that you do. And finally, to get primed for our talks about grief this month we put the spotlight on grief and the difference between healthy and unhealthy grieving. As always, for more information please check out the links to the left or hit the share button to send us a message. To be notified when we post more resources and articles make sure to subscribe to MINESblog. See you next month! To your total wellbeing, The MINES Team
The Path: from your Emotional Wellbeing to Managing change When you are feeling down, it can be hard to take the time to exercise or eat properly. However, it is even more important during this time to eat healthily and work out the stress so you can feel better. During exercise, you are given an opportunity process what you are going through and work through the emotions that come along. By focusing on your physical wellbeing during a time of grief and loss, you can ensure that you are not staying in bed and are sticking to your routine, which will actively lead you to be around others who can help you cope with the pain and suffering that comes with grieving a loss. Even if you don’t feel like doing much, try to exercise each day. Take care of your personal needs and eat healthy so that you have the strength to deal with your loss and your other daily responsibilities. This month check out this link to see some easy exercises you can do.
Tips for you: Focus on your physical wellbeing and use that as a tool and motivator while you are navigating the stages of grief. Choose to use your exercise time to reflect about your loss and what you can take away from this loss. Check out this webinar for more about grief and loss.
The Connection: Get Involved Wellbeing does not simply start and stop at the individual. Our community is connected to each of our own individual wellbeing in a huge way. When we are well we can better function within our community. We can help our fellow humans thrive, and in turn, when our community is prospering, it helps each of us reach our goals as individuals. So why not help our community so we can all thrive together? Each month we will strive to bring you resources that can help you enhance the wellbeing of those around you or get involved with important causes.
Community Wellbeing Resources: You probably know a co-worker, friend, or family member that is dealing with some type of grief. Take a moment to connect with them to see how you can support them through this time. Maybe even suggest taking the time to walk or work out with them to help their physical wellbeing at the same time. Or you consider running or walking in a marathon to support a cause and be around others who have or are struggling with their own grief and loss. Click here to find an activity near you! Don’t forget that PersonalAdvantage, an online benefit available through MINES, has tons of great resources for all the dimensions of wellbeing that we discuss here, along with some articles and assistance for Change Management. If you haven’t checked it out yet, or want to see what resources they have for this month’s topic check out the link below. You’ll need your company login, so make sure to get that from your employer or email us and we’ll be happy to provide that to you. Check Out PersonalAdvantage Here!
If you or a member of your household needs assistance or guidance on any of these wellbeing topics, please call MINES & Associates, your EAP, today for free, confidential, 24/7 assistance at 800.873.7138.

		MINES does not warrant the materials (Audio, Video, Text, Applications, or any other form of media or links) included in this communication have any connection to MINES & Associates, nor does MINES seek to endorse any entity by including these materials in this communication. MINES accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided herein, nor any additional content that may be made available through any third-party site. We found them helpful, and hope you do too!

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GOOD GRIEF

Nic Mckane — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 15:00:13 +0000

What is grief?

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It can be a loved one, friend, co-worker, pet, and even sometimes objects such as a house or car. It’s important to understand that grief is a way in which our minds and bodies cope and that grief can be a healthy, even necessary, process. Everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives and works through it on their own terms. In fact, 1 in 5 people will experience the death of someone close to them by the time they are 18. Grief can be an extremely personal time where people may reach out to others or isolate themselves. We will discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy grieving, along with the common stages of grief.

The stages of grief

Depending on where you look you can find anywhere from 5 to 7 stages of grief. For sake of brevity, we will focus on the core 5 stages. The stages are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

While these stages represent an overall progression, it is important to note that it is possible to move back and forth between stages, skip stages and even begin the stages again once you’ve reached acceptance. For instance, you may skip the bargaining stage and go straight into the depression stage but then fall back into the anger stage before finally reaching the acceptance stage. The healing process will be painful and depending on the level of grief you are experiencing can often take a long time. Sometimes it may take weeks, other times it can years to reach some form of resolution to the grieving process. It is important to focus on happy memories and positive thoughts when working through a loss. In 2008 psychologist Dale Lund of California State University surveyed 292 recently bereaved men and women age 50 and older and found that 75 percent reported finding humor and laughter in their daily lives and at levels much higher than they had expected. Other research has shown that being able to draw on happy memories of the deceased helps you heal — those who are able to smile when describing their relationship to their husband or wife six months after the loss were happier and healthier 14 months out than those who could only speak of the deceased with sadness, fear, and anger. Everyone works through grief their own way and in their own time but it is important to recognize when the grieving process has stagnated and is not progressing toward acceptance in a healthy way. This may be a sign that professional help is needed.

When is grieving good/bad?

As we mentioned above grief is a very natural, human reaction to tragedy and necessary to our healing process. Grieving is healthy when we are able to use it to process our thoughts and emotions in a way that lets us heal and eventually reach a state of acceptance that lets us move on from the tragedy. This does not mean forgetting about the people we may have lost or the events that might have happened, but simply reaching a place emotionally that allows us to live our lives normally. Grief is unhealthy when we stop progressing through the stages and get stuck. This may happen in any one of the stages and you may even switch between a couple but are never able to reach the acceptance stage. This can happen for any number of reasons. Depression, isolation, and compounding life sources of stress and grief are just a few factors that could lead to obstacles in the grieving process. If this becomes the case, it is often best to seek professional help. Contacting a professional grief counselor is the best first step in assessing where you are in the grieving process and to determine if there are other areas of concern that need attention. To get in touch with a qualified counselor you can talk to your primary care doctor and they can often make a referral. You may also have direct lines to behavioral health benefits through your employer’s health plan or Employee Assistance Program. Check with your Human Resources Department if you are not sure.

How to grieve in a healthy way

As we said, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there is healthy and unhealthy grieving. In order to help yourself stay positive and productive in the healing process it is helpful to keep in mind:

You are not alone – Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, church groups, and others you know socially can help. Think about whom you know that can support you.
Don’t let others tell you how you should feel – Only you know what’s right for you. What someone else went through when they dealt with grief may not be what you experience.
Let others know how they can help – What you need while navigating the grieving process may be different from moment to moment, day to day, and week to week. Let others know how your needs are changing.
Everyone’s grief is unique – There is no guide to tell you when to start and stop grieving or when to move from one stage of the process to the next. However, if you feel that your grief is getting worse and that you are not progressing, there is help. Contact a grief counselor or EAP to get in touch with help. If your EAP is MINES our contact information is below.

Of course, this is not a comprehensive list and as you navigate through the healing process you may find that certain things help and others don’t. Find what works best for you.

How to help others grieve

At this point, you should see that grief is personal and can be a sensitive topic to some people. It can be hard to find ways to talk about grief or offer help if you know someone is grieving or struggling with a loss. There are things you can do, however, that offer support without being intrusive or overbearing. Things you might try include:

Just being around – Sometimes there is nothing you can say that will make a person feel better. But just the fact that you are around can help. By being present and ready should they need something, the grieving person will feel supported even if you or they don’t know exactly what to say at the moment.
Food – When someone is grieving, sometimes food is the last thing on their mind. They may not feel up to cooking or going out to get something. Or they may be suffering from lack of appetite which is common during grief. Being handy with quick, nutritious, easy to eat items such as fruit, veggies, or simple dishes can be a great help. As well as helping them remember when they ate last and ensuring they are getting enough sustenance.
Support for decisions – When depressed, people’s decision-making ability can suffer. Try to help the griever put off big decisions until they are in a better state of mind. If necessary be there to act as a voice of reason and clear thought should important choices come up that need to be addressed.
Listening – If and when the grieving person is ready to open up and talk, be there to listen. Offer simple understanding and words of support. Try and keep them talking so that they can vent their emotions when they have a chance. Steer away from any judgment and instead offer encouragement as much as possible. Talking is healing.
Let them cry – Seeing our loved one’s cry can be painful, but don’t let that make you discourage them from doing so. Crying can be an important part of emotional processing. Instead, comfort them, offer them tissues, and even cry with them.

Be there for the person in need but allow them the chance to choose to open up to you on their own terms and in their own time. Trust that if you are there for them they will let you know when they need you. Intervene only if you sense that they are getting worse and not taking care of themselves in a way that will help them get better in time.

Moving on

If you are currently grieving, supporting someone who is, or have grieved in the past but have reached acceptance, continue to focus on and preserve the good memories you have. You may always feel the sting of the loss to some extent but as you remember your passed loved one, lost relationship, or even a lost pet, the pain will slowly disappear over time and the fond memories and times that made you laugh and smile will be all that remain. If you are struggling and having trouble reaching the point of acceptance and do not feel as if you are healing, please reach out to someone. Find a close friend or family member you can confide in, seek out a grief counselor to talk to, and again if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program use that resource to find the help you need. If you have MINES as your EAP, we are always here to talk 24/7, please reach out to us anytime at 1-800-873-7138.

To Your Wellbeing,

Nic Mckane

The MINES Team

Sources

Children’s Grief Awareness Day. (n.d.). Retrieved March 24, 2017, from https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/index.shtml

Konigsberg, R. D. (2011, March 14). Grief, Bereavement, Mourning Death of Spouse. Retrieved March 24, 2017, from http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grief-loss/info-03-2011/truth-about-grief.html

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Healthcare Consumption

Nic Mckane — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 16:43:00 +0000

Today, Sunday, will be a day for history regarding the Healthcare Reform Bill. Our elected officials are to vote on the bill later today. The good news, most people agree something needs to be done to provide all people with quality medical and behavioral health care. The bad news is that the Republicans and the Democrats can not see eye to eye on how to get it done. It is all going to come down to a very close vote this afternoon.

While this blog is not meant to pick sides or say who is right and who is wrong, it is simply meant to say that something has to be done sooner rather than later. I have friends and family on both sides of the debate and on both sides of the need.

The Parity Act went into effect this past January to help people with behavioral issues. It was designed to make sure that people received the same behavioral care insurance coverage as someone with a medical issue. MINES & Associates provides several different types of behavioral care programs through employee benefit plans. Our Managed Behavioral Care Program provides high quality service to employees and at typically reduced rates to the employer.

Behavioral health is a part of the health care reform bill.

Some statistics from AARP magazine note the following:
– 1% of our population accounts for 24% of medical costs
– 5% of our population accounts for 49% of medical costs
– 10% of our population accounts for 64% of medical costs
– 50% of our population accounts for 97% of medical costs
– The remaining 50% of the population,
is the healthiest group and accounts for just 3% of medical costs

In 2006, health care costs for the +/- 300 million people living in the US was a staggering $2.1 Trillion.

Many Americans are stressed and worried about healthcare and MINES & Associates can help. Through our EAP (Employee Assistance Program) available to employees by their employers we can help. Whether you feel depressed about a medical condition, are worried about loved ones with no insurances, feel anxiety about what changes may effect you, or need financial assistance our trained counselors and therapists can help. We encourage you to check with your HR department for the name and contacts information of your EAP provider. Whether it is MINES & Associates or someone else, just know there are people ready to help you.

MINES & Associates is a 30 year old national business psychology firm providing EAPS, Managed Behavioral Care, Prescription Drug cost reduction plans, and BizPsych consulting. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. Allan Benson 720-979-8046
Have a good day!

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Coping with Grief and Loss

Nic Mckane — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:10:17 +0000

Being an Olympic athlete takes talent, skill, stamina, and both emotional and physical stability. When Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette had to skate in the short program on Tuesday night just two days after losing her mother to a heart attack, people witnessed the human ability to cope with loss and stand strong. Oftentimes, people avoid talking about grief and try to find ways to cope that are largely ineffective and provide temporary – if any – relief (i.e. developing a dependency on work, drugs, alcohol, etc.), but it seems to be different for Rochette. Knowing that she was on an international stage, the Olympic skater cried before her program, put herself in a professional mindset for her performance, and immediately broke down afterward – an impressive and moving act to say the least. Everyone watching the winter games on Tuesday night knew of Rochette’s heartbreak, but also witnessed a woman who was coping with her situation.

For many of us, experiencing the death of a loved one is debilitating and shocking, but that doesn’t mean that we should sell ourselves to grief. Losing a friend or family member is never something that any two people deal with the same way, but there are coping strategies that can help. According to http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm, one of the ways to cope with grief and loss is to express your feelings in a tangible or creative way, and that is exactly what Rochette was able to do. Please go to http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm to read an important article about grief and loss and how you can help yourself get through a difficult time or help someone who has just experienced a great loss. Ultimately, we have to be able to talk about these things in order to stay healthy and reach closure, because we all deserve to live full lives and come to peace with what we may no longer have, but will always love.

Sarah Kinnel

Marketing and Advertising Assistant

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