Respect in the Workplace
“When we treat people merely as they are, they will remain as they are. When we treat them as if they were what they should be, they will become what they should be.” – Thomas Monson Hello! Welcome to the March 2020 edition of TotalWellbeing, your guide to the 8 dimensions of wellbeing. This month’s resources will be centered around respect in the workplace and nurturing your occupational wellbeing. Respect in the workplace is all about communication and learning to honor the needs and boundaries of your co-workers as well as yourself. It is also important to remember that respect is a two-way street, in order to earn respect, you must be respectful of others. At the same time, it is also in your best interest to take the high road and even if someone disrespects you, resist the urge to retaliate or disrespect them back as that is likely to make you look petty and immature to others that may not know the whole story. It maybe the tougher option to take the high road in these circumstances but in the end your colleagues and your reputation will thank you for it. Take a look at the tips below for ways to get started including communication with others and setting expectations to reduce misunderstandings. For more details around communication and respect, check out these helpful articles or this free webinar! As a quick update, please remember that your online portal, PersonalAdvantage, has live updates and helpful resources around current events including live updates and news, helpful articles, and information and tips around topics including flu season, the Coronavirus, critical weather events, and more. Remember you can always catch past issues of TotalWellbeing on our newsletters page. This newsletter is aimed at providing helpful information about various aspects of your wellbeing and then connecting it all back to important and relevant parts of everyday life. If you have any thoughts, questions, or content you would like to see covered here please get in contact with us. You can email us directly by clicking here. To your total wellbeing, The MINES Team Learning the barriers to effective communication will not only help improve your communication, but also your overall quality of life. Below are some common communication barriers to learn and avoid: Preconceived Notions – These are the preconceived ideas, feelings, motives, and prejudices that we bring into a conversation. Due to the complex nature of our opinions, these preconceived ideas can actually affect what you hear. Expectations – When we bring expectations into a conversation, we set ourselves up for disappointment. If you focus on keeping an open mind and reducing expectations for an interaction, you can fully engage in and learn from what is really being said Physical Barriers – Body language can often speak louder than words. It’s important when communicating with another person, that you take note of the physical characteristics of effective communication. Busy Settings – Try to speak with others in a quiet place. Noise, activity, and other people may all cause enough distraction to make conversation ineffective. Personal Distractions – If we are thinking about other things while conversing, we’re not being effective communicators. While you are engaged in conversation, try to put the worries of the day aside. Check out this article for a complete look at the above communication barriers and additional tips on how to get the most out of the communications that go on in your day to day life. Remember that if you or a household member are having trouble communicating, experience social anxiety, or have anything else you’d like to talk about, we can help. Please call us at 1-800-873-7138 to get connected right away. Also, PersonalAdvantage has a ton of great resources and FREE webinars this month to help you focus on your wellbeing while also being productive at work and home.
Supporting Your Occupational Wellbeing One of the key principals of job satisfaction is your ability to have confidence in your own abilities and in the quality of work that you perform. Without confidence you can feel lost and unsure; these feelings can cause anxiety and turmoil around work and work activities. To help boost your own confidence at work, and counter any of these negative effects, try the following tips: Do your homework – Learn as much as you can about the subject at hand-whether you’re giving a speech, asking for a promotion or making a sales call. You can’t be overprepared when your performance is on the line. Analyze your mistakes – Knowing what went wrong and what you can do to keep from making the same mistake again can help you turn a negative situation into one that boosts your confidence in your problem-solving abilities. Don’t take the easy way out – One reward of taking risks is an increased potential for higher achievement. Ask for added responsibility when given a choice between maintaining the status quo or doing something more. Make change a positive – Welcoming instead of fearing change makes it easier to identify the advantages and opportunities presented by new responsibilities and directions. Keep perspective – Maintaining a healthful balance between your personal and professional lives can help you weather a workplace crisis because you’re less likely to define your self-worth by how well you do your job. Check out more tips on staying confident at work here. For more resources on supporting your occupational wellbeing, log in to PersonalAdvantage today.
Question of the Month Think of one person you respect. What do you respect about them? How can you take these values/characteristics and incorporate them into your own character?
If you or a member of your household needs assistance or guidance on any of these wellbeing topics, please call MINES & Associates, your EAP, today for free, confidential, 24/7 assistance at 800.873.7138.
This Month’s Focus Free Webinar: How to Have a Professional and Respectful Workplace MINESblog: New to TW? Check out our past Blogs! Keeping Your Spirit Healthy Important Links Visit our BLOG MINES and Associates Current Training Catalog Balanced Living Magazine LinkedIn MINES Archives Contact Us Email MINES
		MINES does not warrant the materials (Audio, Video, Text, Applications, or any other form of media or links) included in this communication have any connection to MINES & Associates, nor does MINES seek to endorse any entity by including these materials in this communication.  MINES accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided herein, nor any additional content that may be made available through any third-party site. We found them helpful, and hope you do too!

The post Total Wellbeing: March 2020 appeared first on MINES and Associates.

I believe most of us end up in this situation at times. Beyond the Arbinger concept I believe we may end up “in the box” for other reasons than self betrayal, such as disappointments or negative experiences with others. Regardless of the cause, I agree that we are “in the box” when we objectify others. This happens in traffic all the time. Think about it – have you ever called someone you don’t even know a name because you were frustrated by their driving (or just by the darn traffic jam)? Do we objectify our leaders or our subordinates in the workplace when they don’t live up to our expectations? The “us/them” that occurs in many workplaces is a process of objectification and justification.

A further concept from Arbinger is that when we are in a “box,” we enter into collusion with others in which we invite the very behaviors we least want from them.  If instead of supporting my co-worker, I regularly correct them, they may begin to resist me. I may in fact, know more than they do and have valuable things to teach them. However, instead of focusing on their success – helping things go right for them, I focus on correcting what they do “wrong.” I may begin to see them as inferior or disinterested. When I do this, I invite greater resistance. The more they resist, the less they learn and the more I have to correct and the more I see them as a problem. This is a circle of collusion in which we are both inviting the very behaviors from one another we least want. This is the opposite of collaboration. Collusion is working around our perceived deficits of others. Collaboration is bringing out the best in one another in partnership.

 The Arbinger theory encourages us to take responsibility for our own box, to get out of our box, focus on helping things go right vs. focusing on correcting others, and to stay out of the box by practicing and acting according to what we know is right.

Once in a training program in which I was describing the Arbinger theory, one of the participants asked me this: “Is it possible for a group to be in a box with an individual or another group?” WOW! What a concept – think about different departments in a workplace that could potentially get into boxes with one another – Sales and Operations, Accounting and Business Development, R&D and I.T. Is there ever generalized objectification and justification between these groups? Do they ever collude in inviting the very behaviors they don’t want from the other? Then we think about even bigger realities like religion and politics…

In my next blog I will examine the Arbinger model applied to groups and politics.

Patrick Hiester MA, LPC
Vice President of BizPsych

_______________________________________________________________________________________
References: “Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box,” “The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict.” The Arbinger Institute.  Berrett-Koehler Publishers Inc.

The post Politics and Self Deception: Part One appeared first on MINES and Associates.

Difficult, Crucial, and Fierce Conversations
There are many books, theories and approaches that tackle the subject of challenging communication in the workplace (and outside of the workplace). The value of effective conversation in the workplace has been researched and demonstrated. The literature on the subject has further promoted implementing these communication modalities. We chose to focus on the concept of essential and effective conversations, as a method in sharing practical tools to enhance respect in the workplace. In this blog, I will focus on one of the seven principles from Susan Scott’s work, “Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and Life One Conversation at a Time.” This was also shared during the webinar.

“Principal 6: Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake”
This concept is key to the consideration of respect in the workplace. “Emotional Wake” has to do with how we come across to others – “what you remember after I’m gone” (Scott, pg. 187). The author uses the image of a boat speeding through a slow zone and the effect that the boat’s wake leaves on the calm waters. This wake symbolizes the impression that we leave after a conversation or interaction with another. Your wake is what people remember about you and how they describe you to others. This can be a tricky concept, as others perceive you through their own filters. Your wake is a combination of what and how you say and do, and how others perceive this. You may not be remembered in the way you intend; hence, the need to pay even greater attention to your wake, i.e. your impact and not merely your intent. Ms. Scott quotes a CEO, frustrated with workplace communication (pg. 191):

“What I get to say is not what I want to say,

       Is not what they listen to,

            is not what they hear,

                is not what they understand,

                     is not what they remember when I’m gone.

                           What do I want them to remember when I’m gone?

                                    I need to say that, and only that…clearly!”

What  You Don’t Say
Your wake is also significantly determined by what you don’t say. This has to do with expressing appreciation, acknowledgement, and listening. I find that as I age, more and more people are only focused on their own needs and interests. They just don’t listen. They may be fascinating people, but part of their wake to me is that my needs and interests are not important to them. Is that how we want to be remembered? Appreciation is “value-creating.” Expressing appreciation is helpful when creating desired emotional wake.

Self Respect
We may encounter situations in the workplace in which people have created such negative wakes with one another that they begin to give up on their relationships altogether and are deadlocked in conflict. All they see is the negative wake of the other, and this perception may continue to amplify over time. In these situations, it is clearly essential to “check out” our perceptions of others. It often happens that each person has built up and reinforced erroneous, negative assumptions about the other. It is just as important in these situations to have “fierce conversations” with ourselves. Our own lives must be working and positive in order for us to leave a positive wake; the wake we choose and want. These can be the most challenging times to consider our own emotional wake. What we frequently see is individuals making the choice to simply protect themselves by pulling back and withdrawing from the relationship. While this may seem to be a better choice than engaging in conflict, the result will further drive the “negative wake.” In this case, people are neglecting the need for appreciation and acknowledgement of the other. The most respectful choice may be to look inward and recognize the need for internal change, rather than attempt to control the situation through inauthentic defenses.

Eliminate “The Load”
“The Load” is the unspoken tone underneath the words we use, or sometimes the choice of words we use. These are implied meanings, either unintended or at times intended. This could be a “sugary sweet” cover up for a deflection or dig. It could also be an aggressive and threatening tone. We don’t have total control over others’ perceptions of us; however, we do have influence and can increase this influence by paying attention to what our intentions are, being mindful of our word choices and non-verbal’s, and eliminating the “loads”  from our conversations. Practicing mindfulness may be the best way to achieve this. Mindfulness is observing ourselves in a way that allows us to see our behavior as objectively as possible and without judgment. This is a mirror to the self. The more we can develop this capacity, the more we can experience our emotional wake as others might experience it.

Conclusion
Respect in the workplace is a value to all of us. It is essential to productivity, teamwork, and job satisfaction. Respect must also be an expectation of the organization. We see the fallout when respect has broken down in the workplace. There are many elements to creating and maintaining a respectful workplace. Learning and practicing effective and respectful conversations is one of the best tools we can offer. This is especially true in difficult and challenging situations. It is not the challenging situation itself that is the problem. Disagreement and conflict are normal in any healthy workplace. How we handle these situations is the key to maintaining respect. Paying attention to our emotional wake is our first and primary responsibility in what, and how, we contribute to this end.

“There are people who take the heart out of you and there are people who put it back.”
-Elizabeth David, from Fierce Conversations

Patrick Hiester MA, LPC
Vice President of BizPsych

 _______________________________________________________________________________________
Scott, Susan. (2002) Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and Life One Conversation at a Time. LOCATION: Berkley.

The post Respectful Workplace – Paying Attention to Your Emotional Wake appeared first on MINES and Associates.