BizPsych Archives - MINES and Associates https://minesandassociates.com/category/bizpsych/ An International Business Psychology Firm Mon, 25 Jul 2016 19:49:09 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.5 A Few Pointers on Supporting Your Transgender Employees! https://minesandassociates.com/a-few-pointers-on-supporting-your-transgender-employees/ https://minesandassociates.com/a-few-pointers-on-supporting-your-transgender-employees/#respond Mon, 25 Jul 2016 19:49:09 +0000 https://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=3452 Transgender discrimination in the workplace is a significant problem. In fact, approximately 90 percent of transgender employees report experiencing some type of harassment in the workplace. Almost 20 percent of gay and transgender employees report that they were passed over on a promotion or were fired because of their gender identity or sexual orientation.[i]  Over [...]

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Transgender discrimination in the workplace is a significant problem. In fact, approximately 90 percent of transgender employees report experiencing some type of harassment in the workplace. Almost 20 percent of gay and transgender employees report that they were passed over on a promotion or were fired because of their gender identity or sexual orientation.[i]  Over 60 percent of transgender employees make less than $25,000 annually.[ii] Shockingly, it is still legal in 32 states to terminate or deny employment to an employee based on their gender identity.[iii] About 40 percent of transgender employees are underemployed.[iv]

According to the Human Rights Campaign, there are still a number of employer-sponsored health plans which do not cover gender reassignment surgery. The average cost of a gender reassignment procedure is $16,000. Additionally, if the employer does not allow the employee to utilize leave for treatments leading up to and including gender reassignment surgery, there is an even more significant cost to the transgender employee.

What can you, as the employer do to support a work environment that is open and inclusive to all persons, including transgender candidates and employees?

  • Champion support for an inclusive and diverse work environment at all levels of the organization with the loudest voices at the top!
  • Offer non-discriminatory health plans! Work with your plans to ensure that you have removed exclusions for gender reassignment transition and hormone therapy.
  • Be sure to include gender identity in your anti-discrimination and anti-harassment policies. Consider zero-tolerance policies.
  • Treat transgender employee(s) as an individual, offer them the opportunity to lead their transitional process with the organization including; communicating their name, pronouns, how they want to inform their colleagues, their timelines, and how they best want to be supported.
  • Include gender identity awareness in your trainings whenever possible; consider your diversity, respectful workplace, and civility trainings as starting places.
  • Incorporate gender identity and transition into your leave policies. Transitioning can be a lengthy process. Keep the dialogues going with your transgender employees. Offer time off and discuss support needs along the way.
  • Support looks different to everyone! It might be handy to put together a supportive tool-kit for employees intending to transition. This toolkit may provide explanations about benefits for transgender employees such as health insurance, leave, and employee assistance programs. The toolkit may also include information about how to talk to managers and colleagues about the transition, restroom information, and a contact person to support them as well as their team. Your employee may or may not use the tool kit but if the resources are there, then they will be able to utilize them if needed.
  • Consult with your Employee Assistance Program with any questions and support around transitioning employees, policies, language and resources. Support and help is available.
  • Utilize education and support to work through any personal concerns you may have regarding supporting transitioning employees. Supporting al lemployees equally is a legal responsibility.

 

To Your Wellbeing,

Dani Kimlinger, Ph.D., MHA, SPHR, SHRM- SCP and Patrick Hiester, LPC

The MINES Team

 

[i] Gay and Transgender People Face High Rates of Workplace Discrimination and Harassment. Data Demonstrate Need for Federal Law. By Crosby Burns and Jeff Krehely. June 2, 2011

[ii] 37 Shocking LGBT Discrimination Statistics. Brandon Gaille. January 14, 2015.

[iii] The Transgender Community by the Numbers. Marie Claire. Kenny Thapoung

[iv] Transgender Workers at Greater Risk For Unemployment and Poverty. Human Rights Campaign. September 6, 2013

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Marcia’s reFrame #2: Spring https://minesandassociates.com/marcias-reframe-2-spring/ https://minesandassociates.com/marcias-reframe-2-spring/#respond Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:46:38 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2981 Spring/verb 1. move or jump suddenly or rapidly upward or forward. 2. originate or arise from. "emotion and creativity could spring from the same source" Synonyms: Originate, derive, arise, stem, emanate, proceed, issue, evolve, come "All art springs from feelings." Spring is a time of new beginnings and reawakening. It invites us, and everything around [...]

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SpringSpring/verb

1. move or jump suddenly or rapidly upward or forward.

2. originate or arise from.

“emotion and creativity could spring from the same source”

Synonyms: Originate, derive, arise, stem, emanate, proceed, issue, evolve, come

All art springs from feelings.

Spring is a time of new beginnings and reawakening. It invites us, and everything around us, to emerge and unfold. I often see clients that are held back due to self limiting beliefs – about what they can or can’t do, what their company can or can’t achieve, or what they think their colleagues are willing or unwilling to do. After growing up in California, and going on 17 years of living in Colorado, I have come to truly appreciate spring. There is something intoxicating about seeing the days get longer and spring flowers bursting through the soil in a profusion of color.  I love the feeling of my toes twinkling with delight as they come out from hibernation; it’s like they are sensing the fresh air and warmth of the sunlight for the first time after being kept in the dark for so long with thick socks, shoes, and boots!

Their thoughts may be based on irrational beliefs, inaccurate information, unexamined assumptions, or unresolved pain from the past. Just like a plant needs nutrients, we need healthy “cognitive” nutrients for our brain and thinking patterns.

One particular client, Lucy (name changed!), held the limiting belief for many years that she was not good at networking. She would attend large professional conferences and be overwhelmed by how many people she didn’t know. She would engage in distancing behaviors during the breaks; check emails, make calls, and look preoccupied. Sure enough, she would leave the conferences with no new contacts which reaffirmed  to her that she was horrible at networking! Because her job required her to make new business contacts, she made a resolution to put this limiting belief behind her and embrace some positive, energizing beliefs.   She told herself;

“I can meet new people.”

“I will volunteer on a committee and get to know a few people.”

“I will ask them to introduce me to other people so I can continue to improve my networking skills.”

Guess what! By embracing those “spring forward” beliefs and replacing those formerly self-limiting beliefs, Lucy  is now the chair person of the membership committee and networking with confidence on a regular basis for her work.

I believe that when people are nurtured, they too blossom and unfold.  In the words of Anne LaMotte, “forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past” so that we accept what was and let go of our hurt and disappointments. In doing so, we can spring forward, create new beginnings, and cultivate meaningful relationships. I invite you to nurture yourself this spring, pay close attention to what emerges, and embrace what unfolds in this season of new beginnings and awakening.

 

 

To Your Health and Wellbeing,

– Marcia

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Marcia’s reFrame #1: The Ten Percent Rule https://minesandassociates.com/marcias-reframe-1-the-ten-percent-rule/ https://minesandassociates.com/marcias-reframe-1-the-ten-percent-rule/#respond Mon, 24 Feb 2014 16:57:12 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2956 It’s hard to believe that February is almost already over! Those of us that made bold New Year’s resolutions may be realizing we’re hitting up against some gaps between our good intentions and the choices we’re actually making. Here is where the Ten- Percent Rule comes into play. I’m inviting you to consider that…                    [...]

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It’s hard to believe that February is almost already over! Those of us that made bold New Year’s resolutions may be realizing we’re hitting up against some gaps between our good intentions and the choices we’re actually making. Here is where the Ten- Percent Rule comes into play. I’m inviting you to consider that…

                   Ten percent of something is better than ninety percent of nothing!

When we get locked into perfectionist thinking, our choices become ruled by rigid, all-or-none thinking. See if you can relate to any of these examples:

  • If I can’t work out for an hour, then it doesn’t count.
  • I didn’t eat “perfectly” today so I might as well completely indulge and have that Ben and Jerry’s pint of ice cream that has my name written on it!
  • I know I was suppose to stick to my budget BUT I couldn’t resist the sale and ended up buying 3 pairs of shoes – after all, they were fifty percent off!
  • I forgot to take my vitamins today so I might as well have that third glass of wine and drink to a better start tomorrow.
  • I know I said I was going to aim for eight hours of sleep and it’s already 10:00pm, but I just want to get on Face Book for ten minutes. (We all know how that ten minutes can magically become an hour and ten minutes!)

The next time you’re in a situation where it’s clear you have competing interests for your resources (time, money, energy) see if you can apply the Ten Percent Rule.

  • I know I wanted to exercise for an hour AND since I only have twenty minutes, I’ll take the dogs for a walk. Or, I’ll do at least thirty minutes on the treadmill which is better than doing nothing at all.
  • I know I wasn’t impeccable at lunch today, so I’ll skip dessert tonight or eat a lighter dinner.
  • I forgot to take my calcium supplements today so I’ll make sure to eat something rich in calcium.
  • I am going to set the computer on a timer for twenty minutes when I get onto Face Book since I tend to loose track of time once I start looking up old friends.

As a dear friend reminds me, “it’s not about perfect, it’s about doing something better”, and, “once you do something better, you can do something a little better from there”.

I hope the Ten Percent Rule allows you to move towards accepting “better” as a great place to be. It brings with it less destructive self-talk and more opportunities to celebrate the successes that 10 percent of something will bring you. The cumulative effect of making better choices and doing 10 percent of something to reach your goals will definitely have an impact on getting better results!

To Your Health and Wellbeing,

– Marcia

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Snapshots of Organizational Adventures #1: Currency of Collaboration https://minesandassociates.com/snapshots-of-organizational-adventures-1-currency-of-collaboration/ https://minesandassociates.com/snapshots-of-organizational-adventures-1-currency-of-collaboration/#respond Fri, 07 Feb 2014 18:22:32 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2949 Our BizPsych blog posts for 2014 will feature examples of projects we have facilitated, or are facilitating, to enhance organizational functioning. Our hope for these blogs is that the issues we present may resonate with you in some way and our interventions may give you some ideas about how to enhance your own organization’s wellbeing. [...]

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Our BizPsych blog posts for 2014 will feature examples of projects we have facilitated, or are facilitating, to enhance organizational functioning. Our hope for these blogs is that the issues we present may resonate with you in some way and our interventions may give you some ideas about how to enhance your own organization’s wellbeing. In this first blog, we present a model we have utilized in several situations in which small teams were struggling to work collaboratively: Productivity was negatively impacted, trust was compromised, and over all morale was declining.

We have been refining this approach over several years and entitle it “The Currency of Collaboration.” Interestingly, this approach is equally as effective with teams where collaboration hasn’t broken down and there is a desire to enhance it. We have also presented this as a training.

“The Currency of Collaboration” actively invites us to look at the choices we make that objectify others and lead us to work around them as obstacles, instead of clarifying our perceptions so that we are able to collaborate fully. The challenge in this approach is that in order for it to be successful, participants need to engage in self-awareness and accountability. In this blog, we will describe how we have managed this in our work with small teams.

General Description: The team consists of 3-8 members. Several members have worked together over a period of many years. During that time there have been personal disappointments, relationship fallout, accusations of work ethic variance, and lack of competence, integrity, and mistakes. Managers are typically involved in the group. Issues of seniority and power have aggravated the breakdowns. Performance has suffered and the group appeared to be at a breaking point.

Assessment: In most cases we have been able to start with an individual assessment of each member of the group. This allows each member to be heard in a confidential setting. This provides valuable insight into what’s at hand and what’s at stake. It also creates the opportunity for building trust with the facilitators and buy-in for the process. At the very least, the interview process helps us customize the materials and the process in order to fit the specific needs of the group. In the cases we were not able to have formal assessment interviews, we  at least had some pre-meetings with the group to explain the process, answer questions, and begin some dialogue.

Currency of Collaboration Process: We have facilitated this process in a half-day to full-day session. We begin with introductions aimed at helping individuals see one another as “whole persons.” We introduce fun, interactive exercises that are light-hearted and help put people at ease. It is important to set the objectives for the session clearly and solicit input about the value. We invite accountability from each person, encourage active engagement in the process, and request self-observation as an essential criterion for success. The upshot of this process is to engage the members in truly seeing the ways we tend to depersonalize one another because of disappointments, unmet expectations, filters we carry, choices to withhold help, and direct confrontation. We end up with distorted perceptions of situations and each other and end up working around one another rather than truly supporting one another’s success. A primary accomplishment is to help individuals see how they do this and then provide specific strategies to move them to choices of collaboration. There are specifically designed exercises for members to work through the model in pairs in order to resolve issues of their choosing.

Results: In some cases, the results were transformative. People, who were truly stuck in relationships characterized by unresolved conflicts, were able to shift. Barriers that had been created due to objectifying and depersonalizing one another started to come down. People were able to start talking to each other, rather than avoiding or distancing. Individuals were able to acknowledge their role and contributions to the breakdowns. They started using a common language to refer to behaviors that lead to collusion, as well as those that helped improve their relationship. They started making intentional choices and engage in behaviors that fostered a collaborative work environment.

In all cases, the experience of going through this process created a shift in the team. They still had challenging issues to resolve and they were now able to approach them in a more skillful manner. Their ability to engage in perspective-taking improved, and as a result, they were better able to see one another as colleagues with shared common interests.

Questions to consider:

  1. Has this happened in a work environment you’ve participated in?
  2. What was done to successfully resolve these issues?
  3. If it were to happen to you, what tools do you have at your disposal to counter the barriers either proactively, or after they have begun to affect the working environment?

Patrick Hiester, MA, LPC

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The Fourth Wall Revisited: Breaking past the Demons https://minesandassociates.com/the-fourth-wall-revisited-breaking-past-the-demons/ https://minesandassociates.com/the-fourth-wall-revisited-breaking-past-the-demons/#respond Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:50:24 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2617 I just couldn’t help dovetailing off of my erudite colleague Ryan Lucas’s most recent blog “Health inSite: Breaking the Fifth Wall.” You see, I am currently in a theater production – mid run. This is something I do every two years or so to keep me young and “in the game.” As always, the life [...]

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I just couldn’t help dovetailing off of my erudite colleague Ryan Lucas’s most recent blog “Health inSite: Breaking the Fifth Wall.” You see, I am currently in a theater production – mid run. This is something I do every two years or so to keep me young and “in the game.” As always, the life lessons have been prodigious and applicable. These lessons can be applied to health, wellness, as well as organizational performance. Each night we have a huddle before the performance (big cast – 21 actors plus directors, choreographer, lighting engineers, and stage managers) to share a moment of teamwork and motivating words from one another. In this blog I will be sharing a version of what I will share in our next huddle.

In this play, the Fourth Wall definitely gets intentionally broken. If that didn’t work, the play would be a mere shell of itself. Okay, here you go: the play is “The Full Monty.” If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a group of unemployed steelworkers who come up with the idea of putting on a working man’s strip show to make some quick cash. Through the process, each one goes through some personal transformation of overcoming personal doubts and limitations. This is the Broadway musical version that was created after the movie. This is a play of tremendous heart and is about so much more than crudity and stripping (It is set in Buffalo with steel workers, so there is a bit of a hard edge).

Here is what I want to share:

As much as this has been an incredibly fun and positive experience, as happened with me, I have faced some personal demons in the process. I would guess most of us have; be it relationships, body image, skills and talents, or any of the stuff that gets in our way when we attempt to excel. So much of the play is about overcoming those demons. What it takes in order to accomplish this is the openness and support of those around us – our community. When the six of us (“Monty Men”) come out for the last big number, the rest of the cast is out in the audience and has become part of the audience (breaking the Fourth Wall). I cannot tell you the powerful and amazing feeling of getting ready to “bare it all” with this great crew out in the audience whooping, hollering, and heckling. Then they incite the audience to do the same – perhaps approaching the Fifth Wall Ryan alludes to in which people join together in support. The focus is on the six of us, but it’s about each and every one of us, and what it takes to overcome your doubts to reach pure joy and celebration. What I experience is that we are all in it together and that’s what makes it work. I overcame my, as well as my character’s, personal demons. What a gift!

Perhaps we do not completely get to the “Fifth Wall” Ryan alludes to in his blog. There is no designed sharing between audience members. However, we are all very present together in the dance and song  “Let It Go.” Breaking the barrier walls, we can construct with one another through openness and support, and create miracles of accomplishment. This is the same at work, in our families, and in any given situation. The characters in this play are almost as diverse as in any workplace. And yet, in the end when we “Let it Go” the show is a huge success and the world feels like a better place.

Let it Go,

Patrick Hiester, L.P.C.
VP of BizPsych

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Have a Happy, Healthy, Reasonable Stress Holiday from BizPsych https://minesandassociates.com/have-a-happy-healthy-reasonable-stress-holiday-from-bizpsych/ https://minesandassociates.com/have-a-happy-healthy-reasonable-stress-holiday-from-bizpsych/#respond Tue, 18 Dec 2012 16:20:10 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2562 Happy Holidays from BizPsych! We typically have several requests this time of year to present our "Thriving with the Holidays" seminar for client companies. Surprisingly, this year we have had only one request, from our sister division in Las Vegas. Is it possible that there may be less acute stress this year in many organizations? [...]

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Happy Holidays from BizPsych! We typically have several requests this time of year to present our “Thriving with the Holidays” seminar for client companies. Surprisingly, this year we have had only one request, from our sister division in Las Vegas. Is it possible that there may be less acute stress this year in many organizations? Is there still much stress, but no time? Perhaps our past years’ efforts have cured all holiday stress (Nice fantasy…)? The holidays are a wonderful time for so many of us. Yet, for many people, the holidays bring an increased stress level that can take away from that delight. For some it’s actually a depressing time of year for a variety of reasons.

The cornerstone of our recommendation about coping or thriving with holiday stress has to do with setting balanced and reasonable expectations of ourselves and of others. There are cultural expectations that can lead to stress and disillusionment, i.e. “we should all be blissfully happy, have beautiful and significant presents for all, and be ever cheerful.” This probably does not work for all of us 100%. We can, however make meaning, be grateful, have authentic interactions, and celebrate what we believe in. One of the ways we can accomplish this is to set meaningful and realistic expectations for the holidays.

A number of years ago I worked out an optimal holiday stress management strategy formula called “Holiday Stress Math.” It is not rocket science, so please enjoy:

Holiday Stress Math
Holiday Stress is a function of: Expectations (E) vs. What Really Happens (WRH)

If E are H (High)    and    >   WRH   =   HS (High Stress Holiday)
If E are L (Low)     and    <   WRH   =   LS but DOL (Low Stress) (Depends on Luck)
If E are L (Low)     and    =   WRH   =   LS but NGT! (Low Stress) (Negative Good Time)
If E are H (High)    and    =   WRH   =   MS, PGT but HRI(Medium Stress) (Positive Good Time) (High Risk Investment)

BPRE (Best Possible, Realistic Expectation)     =     WRH(What Really Happens)     =     GRE (Good, Realistic Holiday)

Have a meaningful and reasonable stress holiday.
Peace and Joy,
Patrick Hiester
Vice President, BizPsych

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Politics and Self Deception: Part One https://minesandassociates.com/politics-and-self-deception-part-one/ https://minesandassociates.com/politics-and-self-deception-part-one/#respond Wed, 03 Oct 2012 18:51:42 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2495 One of the theories that has impacted my consulting most profoundly over the last several years comes from the work of the Arbinger Institute. The two books from this group have helped guide me to a vision of the absolute practical and financial benefits of collaboration in the workplace. The books are: “The Anatomy of [...]

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One of the theories that has impacted my consulting most profoundly over the last several years comes from the work of the Arbinger Institute. The two books from this group have helped guide me to a vision of the absolute practical and financial benefits of collaboration in the workplace. The books are: “The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the Heart of Conflict,” and “Leadership and Self Deception – Getting out of the Box.” This work offers a relatively unique perspective of how and why collaboration can break down in our relationships.  In both of these books it is suggested that when we engage in any act of self betrayal, i.e., acting in any way against our own sense of what is the right thing to do in any given situation, we naturally begin creating a path of self-deception. We begin fooling ourselves in a way that impedes objectivity and truth.  An act of self-betrayal may be anything from not going out of our way to help someone who may be in need of our help, to not honestly confronting someone or a situation when appropriate, to not acknowledging the truth of a situation. According to Arbinger, when we engage in an act of self betrayal we automatically begin justifying our action. We begin to amplify our own virtues and extend blame to others. We end up in what Arbinger describes as a “box.” The box is a lens through which we objectify others in order to justify ourselves. This is the concept of self deception; we are seeing others through a distorted lens due to our need to justify our own actions. We are not truly seeing them objectively, but amplify their faults and our virtues. We know we are in a box when we objectify others.

I believe most of us end up in this situation at times. Beyond the Arbinger concept I believe we may end up “in the box” for other reasons than self betrayal, such as disappointments or negative experiences with others. Regardless of the cause, I agree that we are “in the box” when we objectify others. This happens in traffic all the time. Think about it – have you ever called someone you don’t even know a name because you were frustrated by their driving (or just by the darn traffic jam)? Do we objectify our leaders or our subordinates in the workplace when they don’t live up to our expectations? The “us/them” that occurs in many workplaces is a process of objectification and justification.

A further concept from Arbinger is that when we are in a “box,” we enter into collusion with others in which we invite the very behaviors we least want from them.  If instead of supporting my co-worker, I regularly correct them, they may begin to resist me. I may in fact, know more than they do and have valuable things to teach them. However, instead of focusing on their success – helping things go right for them, I focus on correcting what they do “wrong.” I may begin to see them as inferior or disinterested. When I do this, I invite greater resistance. The more they resist, the less they learn and the more I have to correct and the more I see them as a problem. This is a circle of collusion in which we are both inviting the very behaviors from one another we least want. This is the opposite of collaboration. Collusion is working around our perceived deficits of others. Collaboration is bringing out the best in one another in partnership.

 The Arbinger theory encourages us to take responsibility for our own box, to get out of our box, focus on helping things go right vs. focusing on correcting others, and to stay out of the box by practicing and acting according to what we know is right.

Once in a training program in which I was describing the Arbinger theory, one of the participants asked me this: “Is it possible for a group to be in a box with an individual or another group?” WOW! What a concept – think about different departments in a workplace that could potentially get into boxes with one another – Sales and Operations, Accounting and Business Development, R&D and I.T. Is there ever generalized objectification and justification between these groups? Do they ever collude in inviting the very behaviors they don’t want from the other? Then we think about even bigger realities like religion and politics…

In my next blog I will examine the Arbinger model applied to groups and politics.

Patrick Hiester MA, LPC
Vice President of BizPsych

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References: “Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box,” “The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict.” The Arbinger Institute.  Berrett-Koehler Publishers Inc.

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Respectful Workplace – Paying Attention to Your Emotional Wake https://minesandassociates.com/respectful-workplace-paying-attention-to-your-emotional-wake/ https://minesandassociates.com/respectful-workplace-paying-attention-to-your-emotional-wake/#respond Fri, 07 Sep 2012 15:36:48 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2456 Recently, BizPsych was asked to host a webinar on “The Respectful Workplace” for a client company.  This title of this training, “The Respectful Workplace,” has often been a useful and polite cover for harassment training. In fact, I often recommend using this title, as it is the fundamental concept of respect that is at the [...]

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Recently, BizPsych was asked to host a webinar on “The Respectful Workplace” for a client company.  This title of this training, “The Respectful Workplace,” has often been a useful and polite cover for harassment training. In fact, I often recommend using this title, as it is the fundamental concept of respect that is at the heart of understanding harassment and sexual harassment. In this case however, the organization wanted us to explore respect in the workplace in terms of values, attitudes, and behaviors that promote and maintain respect. In planning for the webinar it occurred to us that communication is a key concept in the experience of either respect or disrespect in the workplace. So, we decided to focus on tips and insights that may be useful in promoting respectful communication in the workplace.

Difficult, Crucial, and Fierce Conversations
There are many books, theories and approaches that tackle the subject of challenging communication in the workplace (and outside of the workplace). The value of effective conversation in the workplace has been researched and demonstrated. The literature on the subject has further promoted implementing these communication modalities. We chose to focus on the concept of essential and effective conversations, as a method in sharing practical tools to enhance respect in the workplace. In this blog, I will focus on one of the seven principles from Susan Scott’s work, “Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and Life One Conversation at a Time.” This was also shared during the webinar.

“Principal 6: Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake”
This concept is key to the consideration of respect in the workplace. “Emotional Wake” has to do with how we come across to others – “what you remember after I’m gone” (Scott, pg. 187). The author uses the image of a boat speeding through a slow zone and the effect that the boat’s wake leaves on the calm waters. This wake symbolizes the impression that we leave after a conversation or interaction with another. Your wake is what people remember about you and how they describe you to others. This can be a tricky concept, as others perceive you through their own filters. Your wake is a combination of what and how you say and do, and how others perceive this. You may not be remembered in the way you intend; hence, the need to pay even greater attention to your wake, i.e. your impact and not merely your intent. Ms. Scott quotes a CEO, frustrated with workplace communication (pg. 191):

“What I get to say is not what I want to say,

       Is not what they listen to,

            is not what they hear,

                is not what they understand,

                     is not what they remember when I’m gone.

                           What do I want them to remember when I’m gone?

                                    I need to say that, and only that…clearly!”

What  You Don’t Say
Your wake is also significantly determined by what you don’t say. This has to do with expressing appreciation, acknowledgement, and listening. I find that as I age, more and more people are only focused on their own needs and interests. They just don’t listen. They may be fascinating people, but part of their wake to me is that my needs and interests are not important to them. Is that how we want to be remembered? Appreciation is “value-creating.” Expressing appreciation is helpful when creating desired emotional wake.

Self Respect
We may encounter situations in the workplace in which people have created such negative wakes with one another that they begin to give up on their relationships altogether and are deadlocked in conflict. All they see is the negative wake of the other, and this perception may continue to amplify over time. In these situations, it is clearly essential to “check out” our perceptions of others. It often happens that each person has built up and reinforced erroneous, negative assumptions about the other. It is just as important in these situations to have “fierce conversations” with ourselves. Our own lives must be working and positive in order for us to leave a positive wake; the wake we choose and want. These can be the most challenging times to consider our own emotional wake. What we frequently see is individuals making the choice to simply protect themselves by pulling back and withdrawing from the relationship. While this may seem to be a better choice than engaging in conflict, the result will further drive the “negative wake.” In this case, people are neglecting the need for appreciation and acknowledgement of the other. The most respectful choice may be to look inward and recognize the need for internal change, rather than attempt to control the situation through inauthentic defenses.

Eliminate “The Load”
“The Load” is the unspoken tone underneath the words we use, or sometimes the choice of words we use. These are implied meanings, either unintended or at times intended. This could be a “sugary sweet” cover up for a deflection or dig. It could also be an aggressive and threatening tone. We don’t have total control over others’ perceptions of us; however, we do have influence and can increase this influence by paying attention to what our intentions are, being mindful of our word choices and non-verbal’s, and eliminating the “loads”  from our conversations. Practicing mindfulness may be the best way to achieve this. Mindfulness is observing ourselves in a way that allows us to see our behavior as objectively as possible and without judgment. This is a mirror to the self. The more we can develop this capacity, the more we can experience our emotional wake as others might experience it.

Conclusion
Respect in the workplace is a value to all of us. It is essential to productivity, teamwork, and job satisfaction. Respect must also be an expectation of the organization. We see the fallout when respect has broken down in the workplace. There are many elements to creating and maintaining a respectful workplace. Learning and practicing effective and respectful conversations is one of the best tools we can offer. This is especially true in difficult and challenging situations. It is not the challenging situation itself that is the problem. Disagreement and conflict are normal in any healthy workplace. How we handle these situations is the key to maintaining respect. Paying attention to our emotional wake is our first and primary responsibility in what, and how, we contribute to this end.

“There are people who take the heart out of you and there are people who put it back.”
-Elizabeth David, from Fierce Conversations

Patrick Hiester MA, LPC
Vice President of BizPsych

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Scott, Susan. (2002) Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and Life One Conversation at a Time. LOCATION: Berkley.

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Emotional Resilience in the Face of Tragedy https://minesandassociates.com/emotional-resilience-in-the-face-of-tragedy/ https://minesandassociates.com/emotional-resilience-in-the-face-of-tragedy/#respond Thu, 09 Aug 2012 19:45:03 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=2392 We have all been touched in one way or another by the recent rash of violence in our communities. One tragedy seems like an anomaly and we tend to be able to put it in context as such. But when another occurs we start experiencing it as out of control and as a new norm. [...]

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We have all been touched in one way or another by the recent rash of violence in our communities. One tragedy seems like an anomaly and we tend to be able to put it in context as such. But when another occurs we start experiencing it as out of control and as a new norm. We start to carry a pervasive ill-ease. The experience of these tragedies may trigger a variety of stress reactions for different individuals. Some of these could be profound and require the need for professional help, be it medical or psychological. At the least, the general ill-ease most of us are experiencing may also compound the numerous other external stressors we encounter in our work and personal lives.

These stressors especially compounded by the senseless violence of recent shootings cannot help but affect us, in many ways, as well they should. In our modern world, stress is here to stay. We can learn to set more effective boundaries, we can better manage our time, we can shut out the painful images, but in most of our work and personal lives we will continue to be barraged by external demands and stressors. By focusing on stress, we often invite stress.

We offer a new approach. As we have learned in the Critical Incident Support Services (CISS) field, promoting emotional resilience gives those experiencing a specific trauma a more positive response than focusing on the trauma and stress. Emotional Resilience is our ability to “bounce back” from adversity and challenge. This does not mean we can remain unaffected by stress and setbacks. What it means is by strengthening our resilience we improve our ability to cope with set backs and recover more quickly. Emotional resilience traits can be learned and practiced. We would like to share some of the characteristics of emotionally resilient people as an invitation to practice – especially at this time of shared sorrow and tragedy. Some of the characteristics of emotionally resilient people are:

  • Emotional and Physical Awareness: They understand what they’re feeling and why. They understand how their emotions are affecting their behavior and performance. They understand the absolute connection between mind and body – emotions and physical health. They support physical health by practices such as exercise, relaxation, healthy nutrition, and increased mindfulness in the moment – awareness of emotional and physical states.
  • Perseverance: Whether they’re working toward outward goals or on inner coping strategies, they’re action-oriented – they trust in the process and don’t give up. They carry on in the face of setbacks and obstacles.
  • Internal Locus of Control: They believe that they, rather than outside forces, are in control of their own lives. They know the limits of control and focus on the areas of life they can control.
  • Optimism: They see the positives in most situations and believe in their own strength. They are able to view events as time-limited versus permanent. They are able to view events as specific and not pervasive. i.e. “all or none.” They are able to not personalize negative events by defining themselves by these negative events.
  • Support: While they tend to be strong individuals, they know the value of social support and are able to surround themselves with supportive friends and family.
  • Sense of Humor: They’re able to laugh in spite of life’s difficulties. They are able to respond to serious situations with appropriate seriousness, but not take themselves so seriously that they get in their own way.
  • Perspective: Resilient people are able to learn from their mistakes (rather than deny them), see obstacles as challenges, and allow adversity to make them stronger. They can also find meaning in life’s challenges rather than seeing themselves as victims.
  • Sense of Mission: Being connected to your spiritual side has been connected with stronger emotional resilience. This has to do with being connected to a higher purpose than oneself, and could be a sense of purpose or mission.

 This is not an absolute list of Emotional Resilience traits. However, focusing on one or all of these traits and developing ways to practice them may be a positive way to help cope with the recent trauma that we all have experienced, as well as the common and extraordinary stresses we experience regularly. It may prove more effective to focus on strengthening one’s positive resilience than “combating” stress. Over the past couple years, BizPsych has offered emotional resilience programs in a large variety of settings and situations with very positive results and response. Please consider what you might need to enhance and exercise your resilience at this time.

Patrick Hiester MA, LPC,
Vice President of BizPsych
www.BizPsych.com
A division of MINES and Associates.

 

 

 

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Have A “Reasonably” Happy Holiday Season! https://minesandassociates.com/have-a-reasonably-happy-holiday-season/ https://minesandassociates.com/have-a-reasonably-happy-holiday-season/#respond Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:18:47 +0000 http://minesblog.wordpress.com/?p=1749 I love the notion of having a “reasonably” happy holiday season. It’s so freeing and realistic. It creates a mindset that actually allows people to enjoy the holidays. Seriously, who could argue against having a reasonably good time as a starting point? Anything above that can go into the “exceeded my expectations” category.

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I love the notion of having a “reasonably” happy holiday season. It’s so freeing and realistic. It creates a mindset that actually allows people to enjoy the holidays. Seriously, who could argue against having a reasonably good time as a starting point? Anything above that can go into the “exceeded my expectations” category.

There is a lot of information on suggestions and ways to lessen the stress of the holidays. However, if you don’t take the time to examine your holiday expectations, it’s possible that there will be some frustrations, stressors, and disappointments that cast a wicked spell on your sense of holiday magic.

BizPysch facilitates a training called “Thriving with the Holidays” and it’s one of my all time favorite workshops. Why? Because it focuses on strategies for having a reasonably happy holiday season. It gives people a chance to “pause” before all the holiday craziness sets in and decide what they want their holiday season to be about. Participants get to think about creating new holiday traditions in place of old traditions they would like to let go of. We debunk some of the holiday myths that are a set up for having an unhappy holiday season, and offer some great ideas for simple ways to take in the magic of the holidays. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • Ask for help…and take it!
  • Give yourself a present
  • Contact an old friend and enjoy the gift of connection
  • Let go of a problem that you can’t solve
  • Hang a favorite holiday ornament in your car
  • Compliment at least 3 people every day in December
  • Give the gift of forgiveness and acceptance
  • Record a cheerful greeting for your answering machine
  • Give someone that “great” parking space and enjoy walking a little farther in the cool air
  • Wear a pair of outrageous holiday socks
  • Learn to say “Happy Holidays” in several languages
  • Give someone who is discouraged the gift of encouragement

So, whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, or another holiday during December, best wishes for a reasonably happy holiday season!

Marcia Kent
President, BizPsych

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