Parenting Archives - MINES and Associates

Embracing Global Diversity

Nic Mckane — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 15:25:16 +0000

As the parent of a seven year old, I’ve been enamored with the concept of “intentional parenting.” The essence of this philosophy is to think about the type of person you want your child to be when they become an adult and to give them age appropriate responsibilities to support their development. I, for one, am committed to raising a global citizen who has an appreciation for other cultures, languages, perspectives, and lifestyle choices.

I was exposed to traveling at a very early age and was always deeply appreciative that my parents expanded my horizons and perspectives through global travel. I’m sure my mom wasn’t completely surprised when I told her I had bought a one-way ticket to New Zealand and wasn’t sure when I would be back. And, sure enough, after two years of traveling out of a backpack, returned home to start graduate school. I loved the sense of intrigue and mystery that came with traveling to exotic lands and far away places.

I also came home with a profound sense of appreciation for the global diversity that we have right here! Looking at situations from a new perspective, asking open ended questions to understand a different point of view, and being curious about someone’s background or beliefs are all windows towards creating a sense of belonging to a global community. I feel so fortunate that much of the work I do in BizPysch – be it executive coaching, diversity training, or providing conflict mediation services – are all ways to build bridges and create a sense of community and connection.

Now, I’m getting ready to embark on another global adventure. As a parent who is committed to raising a “global citizen,” I am getting ready to move overseas with my son. We will be gone for a little less than a year and during that time we will both be students learning a new language and embracing a completely different way of living. There are so many ways to embrace global diversity, be it participating in a cooking class with foods from another country, learning a new language, seeing a foreign film, reading books about other countries, or following your curiosity by exploring new places on the internet! I trust I will return with a new set of perspectives which is what makes traveling and experiencing different cultures, no matter how you choose to do it, so exciting!

Marcia Kent, MS
President, BizPsych

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Psychology of Performance – 20 – Early Attachment and Adult Performance Implications

Nic Mckane — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 17:42:37 +0000

Our early attachments to our primary caregivers may have significant implications for our ability to perform throughout our lives. The good news is that there are mindfulness techniques that can help integrate the information and energy associated with the various attachment categories so that as adults our performance does not have to be limited by the early learning associated with these attachments.

Siegel & Hartzell, M.Ed., (2003, p.102-112) in their book, Parenting from the Inside Out, describe four patterns of attachment derived from the work of researchers such as Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main, and Erik Hesse, among others. As infants we most likely have one of the following patterns (which can vary by caregiver): Secure, Insecure-Avoidant, Insecure-Anxious/Ambivalent, or Insecure-Disorganized.

Secure attachments are described as having a parental interactive pattern characterized by the parent being emotionally available, perceptive, and responsive. The child sees the parent as being a source of comfort during times of distress, a safe haven, being available, and a secure base. This creates a sense of well being from which the child can go into the world to “explore and make new connections with others” (p.104).

Insecure-Avoidant patterns are associated with parents who are emotionally unavailable, imperceptive, unresponsive, and rejecting. These children avoid closeness and emotional connections to the parent (p.104).

Insecure-Ambivalent patterns are described as having parents who are inconsistently available, perceptive, and responsive and intrusive. The child cannot depend on the parent for attunement and connection. The child develops a sense of anxiety and uncertainty about whether they can depend on their parents (p.105).

Insecure-Disorganization patterns are created by parents who are frightening, frightened, chaotic, disorienting, and alarming to the child. This pattern is often associated with abuse. This creates a situation in which abuse is incompatible with a sense of security. The child develops coping responses that lead to difficulties in regulating emotions, trouble in social communication, difficulties with academic reasoning tasks, a tendency toward interpersonal violence, and a predisposition to dissociation – a process in which normally integrated cognition becomes fragmented (p. 106).

The good news is that for those with insecure attachments there are mindfulness techniques described in Siegel’s book, Mindsight, that can help the individual integrate the insecure attachment memories, patterns, and information in a manner that frees them up from “automatically or habitually” engaging in the pattern in their adult relationships.

The implications of early attachment for the psychology of performance are significant. Secure attachments allow for a base of security which in adulthood can manifest in collaborative interactions in the business environment, for example. The social psychology of group performance is enhanced when members can communicate directly and problem solve from a position of trust. Contrast this with an avoidant attachment pattern in which a team member has a fundamental approach to relationships that is one of distrust and self-reliance. This team member is there in name only and will be perceived as not cooperating, being a maverick, and “not playing well in the sand box.” The anxious attachment style may show up as an accommodating or pleasing style. This person sacrifices their own opinions so as to fit in, may frequently be checking in with the “boss” for approval and reassurance. The group loses this person’s gifts as the person may give in rather than be proactive on a decision point. The disorganized attachment style may contribute to significant disruption in a work group or team’s performance because the person will become overwhelmed during a conflict with either a chaotic or rigid response, either of which can disrupt the flow of energy and information needed for higher performance.

The culture of an organization often is set by the leader of the organization. Part of the definition of culture is the shared set of assumptions as to how we do business. From this, it is possible to see how the impact of the leader’s attachment could influence the culture of the organization. For example, if the leader has an anxious attachment, the organization may have a strong press to accommodate customers, resulting in a high emphasis on customer service which could range from being useful to problematic if taken to a dysfunctional level.

Have a day filled with mindful integration,

Robert A. Mines, Ph.D.
CEO & Psychologist

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Psychology of Performance – 18

Nic Mckane — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 23:38:08 +0000

Gina Kolata wrote an outstanding article in the New York Times on the psychological and behavioral aspects of the psychology of performance that I want to pass on to you. She has a number of points that are useful in business as well as personally.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/19/health/nutrition/19best.html?_r=2&th=&emc

Have a day filled with equanimity

Robert A. Mines, Ph.D.

CEO and Psychologist

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Packing Healthy School Lunches: As Easy As ABC

Nic Mckane — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:36:40 +0000

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Packing Healthy School Lunches: As Easy As ABC

August 23, 2010

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day but if you have school-age children they may disagree and make an argument for lunch. Lunch is a much anticipated part of every school day and I have to admit most adults feel the same way! You get to kick back, relax and recharge for the rest of the day.

As a parent, you want to make sure that lunch you send your child to school with won’t be quickly traded or, even worse, end up in the trash. My mom thought she could lessen the blow of sliced carrots with the “Have a Good Day! Love, Mom” note on the napkins. Ranch dressing would have worked better.

It can be tricky to pack a lunch that is greeted with a smile and provides your children with the nutrients they need to thrive. This week’s communication serves as a nutritional guide for packing a healthy lunch.

School’s out for the Summer

Nic Mckane — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:01:44 +0000

Summer is Here!

Even though Alice Cooper’s 70’s hit “School’s Out for Summer” was released almost 40 years ago, it never seems to get old. I have heard it numerous times in recent weeks on the radio. Even iTunes downloads are up as schools close for the summer and kids celebrate.

Summer means the fun begins for millions of children across America. Swimming, rec centers, movies, amusement parks, concerts, restaurants, and shopping malls are just some of the many areas that will get very busy. Parents have just completed frustrating and time-consuming searches for special daycare arrangements for children who normally are at school. If you are still having challenges finding help, don’t forget that many EAP’s (Employee Assistance Programs) such as MINES’ EAP offer a childcare concierge service. This service provides assistance in finding the help that is needed. EAPs are typically provided as a benefit through your employer.

Summer also means graduations; kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, trade schools, community colleges and universities. All children and young adults are going through transitions in their lives. While one would suspect there is more pressure on the high school student moving out and going to a university in a distant state, don’t forget the 5 yr old who is going off in the BIG Yellow bus to a school outside of Mom’s sight, for the WHOLE day. These children, as well as their Moms, can have some anxiety dealing with these changes. It is not uncommon for a mother and child to speak with a therapist who can talk to them about dealing with the anxiety of these great new opportunities. MINES has a number of workshops and programs that are available through parent’s workplaces that will take the edge off of this anxiety before it becomes depression. MINES counselors, therapists and professionals can help to resolve these issues now before school starts again in the fall.

Summer can also be a challenge financially. The children want to “do something” that costs extra money. Family budgets aren’t prepared for these extra costs. Family vacations are typically taken; and who hasn’t been on a vacation that didn’t cost more than budgeted? And most importantly, many parents are unemployed or under employed due to these challenging economic times. MINES also has financial and legal assistance programs that can help resolve many types of financial challenges.

MINES is here to help make your summer less stressful, more meaningful, and most importantly, fun. Check out our website www.minesandassociates.com to learn more about what we can offer.

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How to Save 25-50% from Previous Years Claims

Nic Mckane — Tue, 18 May 2010 20:49:31 +0000

I am almost as excited as our clients to announce that after the pass of the first quarter we’ve been able to demonstrate to our new self-funded clients a savings of up to 50% from the previous year’s quarter on behavioral health and substance abuse claims.

Providing our clients with cost-containment mechanisms to counter the effects of the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act has been, in their words, “a major relief.”

For some groups this isn’t a big deal. But if it is for you – ASK ME HOW?

Posted By Ian H.

(303) 953-4083
Sales, MINES and Associates

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Psychology of Performance – 10 Sean White

Nic Mckane — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:04:10 +0000

Sean White won the gold medal at the X games. How he did it was an amazing testimony to perseverance and facing the failure of his practice run. My description can not do service to how much pain he must have been in physically and how vulnerable he may have been psychologically (all of us would have been when you see the video). Please go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygOIy7b9mR8

Sean White went back and did the same sequence again so he would not get a fear response. He succeeded the second time and went on to nail the sequence in his first run. That run was good enough for the gold medal.

This is a perfect example of the old cowboy psychology of getting back on your horse after falling off. We need to face our negative cognitions related to performance, learn how to relax and be centered and execute one more time.

Remember: I like you

Bob

Robert A. Mines, Ph.D

CEO & Psychologist

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Psychology of Performance – 7

Nic Mckane — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:44:38 +0000

I have the opportunity to observe and participate with businesses and organizations going through growth and contraction. In either scenario, execution is essential. What makes it so interesting from a psychological perspective is the role beliefs and assumptions play in the analysis, planning and execution. The beliefs and assumptions are often associated with a variety of emotional states that the leaders, managers, supervisors and employee experience under either scenario. Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who said he wished he did not worry as much as he did during his very successful career. I had a colleague who is a risk manager and is worries about executing on a very aggressive growth plan. I have other colleagues who have laid off significant numbers of their staff due to the impact on the recession and experience depression and anxiety. In each case, the negative emotional states can can contribute to inefficiencies or delays in the execution of the plan. As one cognitive perspective says “Suffering comes from attachment”. One needs to present and nonattached while performing and executing on a plan. Look deeply into this and see if you are limiting your execution in some way.

Have a day filled with equanimity,

Robert A. Mines, Ph.D.

CEO & Psychologist

Mines and Associates

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Helping your child become a reader

Nic Mckane — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 19:49:20 +0000

For those of you with children returning to school, new school age children or parents of children still at home, helping your child instill postive reading habits isn’t always easy. Thanks to the Department of Education, here are some important questions we should be asking ourselves:

For Babies (6 weeks to 1 year)

Do I provide a comfortable place for our story time? Is my child happy to be in this place?
Am I showing my child the pictures in the book? Am I changing the tone of my voice as I read to show emotion and excitement?
Am I paying attention to how my child responds? What does she especially like? Is she tired and ready to stop?

For Toddlers (1 to 3 years)

All of the questions above, plus:

Does my child enjoy the book we are reading?
Do I encourage my child to “pretend read,” joining in where he has memorized a word or phrase?
When I ask questions, am I giving my child enough time to think and answer?
Do I tie ideas in the book to things that are familiar to my child? Do I notice if he does this on his own?
Do I let my child know how much I like his ideas and encourage him to tell me more?
Do I point out letters, such as the first letter of his name?

For Preschoolers (3 and 4 years)

All of the questions above, plus:

Do I find ways to help my child begin to identify sounds and letters and to make letter-sound matches?

For Kindergartners (5 years):

Remember: Children learn step by step in a process that takes time and patience. They vary a great deal in what holds their interest and in the rate at which they make progress.

All of the questions above, plus:

Do I find ways to help my child begin to identify some printed words?
Do I let my child retell favorite stories to show that she knows how the story develops and what’s in it?

For Beginning First-Graders (6 years):

All of the questions above, plus:

Do I give my child the chance to read a story to me using the print, picture clues, his memory—or any combination of these ways that help him make sense of the story?

-Posted by Ian H. (Sales Executive)

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