May 9th is National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day. To commemorate this important holiday, we’ve gathered 7 tips on how to start a conversation about mental health with your child – including language you can borrow and analogies you can use.

Focus on emotions

It can be helpful to open these conversations by talking about emotions. Even if your child doesn’t yet understand mental health, they do understand emotions. Their emotional vocabulary will typically depend on their developmental level. As they grow, children can understand more and more complex emotions; what they understood simply as “sadness” when they were younger can expand into “grief,” “disappointment,” “brokenheartedness,” and more.

You can describe common mental health problems using emotions that your child understands. For example, you could explain, “Depression is when someone feels very sad and lonely, and that feeling doesn’t go away for a long time.” or, “People with anxiety feel scared and nervous, even when there’s nothing truly dangerous to be afraid of.”

Make analogies to physical health

Even when children have never heard of mental health, they tend to understand the concept of physical health; they’ve seen their pediatrician, gotten their vaccines, and probably experienced at least minor physical illnesses like the common cold. You can use this in an analogy to help younger children understand more about mental health.

Try saying something like,

“Do you remember when we went to see your pediatrician when you were throwing up and had a fever? Sometimes, we might go to another type of doctor because our brains and feelings are sick. We might feel really sad or really scared. Sometimes, these feelings don’t go away on their own and we need to see a doctor. These feelings doctors are called therapists or psychologists. They help people feel better in their mind, just like when your pediatrician gave you the medicine.”

Respect their boundaries

For some children, talking about mental health may be triggering or overwhelming. For example, if you or another family member lives with a mental illness, or if your child’s own mental health has been suffering, talking about these topics may bring up a lot of painful feelings. You might find that your child, especially if they’re a teenager, is reluctant to talk or share.

It’s important to respect your child’s boundaries; trying to force them to talk about it will likely only make them shut down further. Make sure you communicate your desire to understand, and let them know that you’re there to listen whenever they’re ready to.

If you are concerned about your child’s mental health and they’re refusing to talk to you about it, there are ways to express that concern. You might say something like, “I think something might be going on, and I want you to know that I’m here to listen. I know that this is hard to talk about. Only you know how you feel, but I am here to support you. I’ll never judge you for anything you tell me.”

Share your own emotional experiences

Talking about your own emotions can help normalize these conversations. This doesn’t mean that you should break boundaries and lean on your child for support while you’re going through a mental health crisis. But regularly naming your emotions can help your child understand that mental health is on a spectrum. No one is always “happy” or always “sad.”

For example, perhaps your family pet has died. If your child has been acting out or showing some signs of irritability, it could be that they don’t know how else to express their grief. You could say something like, “I miss our pet a lot. I feel really sad about it. It’s called grief, and it’s normal to feel like this when someone you love dies or goes away. How are you feeling about our pet?”

Validate their feelings

If your child does come to you with an emotion or mental health symptoms, take it seriously and provide validation. It’s easy for adults to minimize children’s concerns; they often feel trivial to us. Sometimes, we also unintentionally judge children for having strong feelings.

It’s often well-intentioned; for example, if your teenager says that they’re depressed because of something that happened with their crush, it may be tempting to want to tell them, “You won’t even care about this person in a few years. Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.” Or if they tell you they’re hurting themselves because they’re depressed, you might have the urge to say: “Why would you do this to yourself?”

But remember that, even if it doesn’t make sense to you at first, these concerns are real for them, and it’s important to help your child feel validated and supported – especially when they’ve expressed that they have been feeling bad.

You can use phrases like:

• That sounds so painful.
• This must be really hard.
• I can see that this is really important to you.
• I can see that you’re hurting.

Let them know it’s not their fault

Whether it’s your child who’s facing a mental health issue or someone else in your family, your child needs to know that it’s not their fault. Children, especially younger children, may blame themselves for a crisis, especially if they don’t understand it. Make it clear that whatever’s happening is not their fault.

If your child is experiencing mental health concerns, you can try to normalize it for them. You can say something like, “Just like people get the flu sometimes, we also get sick in other ways. You have a sickness that makes you feel really scared and nervous at school, but you’re going to get better. It’s not your fault, and we’ll get through it together. Lots of kids feel the same way.”

If someone else in your family is experiencing mental illness, you (and other important adults in your child’s life) can decide how much detail is appropriate to reveal to them. But keep in mind that hiding it altogether will likely be ineffective – your child may pick up on the fact that something is wrong. The important thing is to communicate to them that whatever is happening is not their fault.

For example, to a younger child, you might say: “Dad is going through a hard time. He has a sickness that makes him feel a lot of things, and you might notice that he looks sad sometimes. He just needs to rest, and his doctor is helping him feel better. None of this is your fault – you didn’t do anything wrong. This is just a sickness that happens to people sometimes, just like when you caught the flu.”

Open conversations, and keep them open

Finally, don’t wait to open these conversations with your child, especially if you have concerns for their mental health. Don’t wait for them to come to you. There are many reasons why people, both children and adults, find it challenging to come forward about mental health issues, including feelings of shame and a lack of understanding. You can make the process easier by opening the conversation in a safe and non-judgmental way.

In addition, keep in mind that talking about mental health one time is a good start – but it’s also important to keep these conversations open. Revisit the topic of mental health when it’s relevant. Keep checking in with your child. Answer their questions when they come up. It’s important for children to know that it’s always okay to talk about their mental health, and that you’re there to support them and help them understand.

Your employee assistance program can help

Our EAP offers 24/7 confidential counseling, as well as parent coaching, for our members. If you or your child are experiencing mental health issues, or if you simply need someone to talk to about these topics, get in touch with us or check out your digital services. We’re here to support you and your family.

To Your Wellbeing,

The MINES Team

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	The Relationship Between Parenting and Social Wellbeing
Welcome to the April edition of TotalWellbeing, your guide to the 8 dimensions of wellbeing. This month we are going to take a look at social wellbeing, specifically how parenting can affect the social skills of children and steps parents can take to enhance their children’s’ social savvy. If you missed us last month you can catch up on our newsletters page. As we make it through the year we will continue to emphasize the concept of community and look at how our actions affect our community, country, and in some cases the rest of the world. To your total wellbeing, The MINES Team
How Social Wellbeing is Impacted by Parenting Social wellbeing and parenting go hand in hand. This is true because someone’s parents are more than likely the very first social connection a person will form. Furthermore, parents play a huge role in shaping how their children learn to socialize and build connections with other people. Therefore, it is crucial that parents take time to truly consider how they prepare their children for social interactions as it will impact how kids are able to connect with others, handle changes or loss, view authority figures, cooperate with colleagues, and more for the rest of their lives. At the top of the list of things to do is maintain open and honest communication with your children. The more comfortable and trusting children are talking with their parents, the more comfortable and open they are likely to be with others. This goes a long way to building trust and a solid foundation for children to build their social wellbeing on. If you would like to talk to a family counselor about these topics please call us at 1-800-873-7138 to get connected right away. Also, PersonalAdvantage has some great tools and webinars this month to improve your knowledge around communication, teaching children about life changes, and resilient parenting to help support social wellbeing, and be sure to check out our “Raising Resilient Kids” infographic.
Question of the Month What social habits or quirks can you think of that may have come from your parents?
Quote of the Month “Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.” – Lawrence Clark Powell
MINES Updates/Community World View Many factors that define social wellbeing are deeply ingrained in culture and thus varies from people to people and place to place. Social norms and taboos, social etiquette like greetings and manners, and even basic measurements of social happiness and sense of purpose are all examples of factors that can vary wildly around the world. How does this relate back to your own individual social wellbeing? Because exposure to other ways of life and beliefs around social interactions, identity, and wellbeing is crucial to understanding your own place in the world. The more exposure you can gain to other cultures by traveling, researching, interacting with people from other cultures, trying new traditions, sampling foreign cuisine, and so forth, the better you will understand people, including yourself. Furthermore, your mind will become more open to new ideas and ways of life. This not only makes you better educated overall, but makes socializing and finding your place in society, no matter where you are, easier and more enjoyable enhancing your own sense of social wellbeing.
If you or a member of your household needs assistance or guidance on any of these wellbeing topics, please call MINES & Associates, your EAP, today for free, confidential, 24/7 assistance at 800.873.7138.
This Month’s Focus Check out this month’s webinar on Thriving Families This Month on MINESblog: Sleep — The Luxury You Can’t Live Without Check out this Month’s Infographic Important Links Visit our BLOG MINES and Associates 2018 Training Catalog Balanced Living Magazine LinkedIn MINEs Archives Contact Us Email MINES
		MINES does not warrant the materials (Audio, Video, Text, Applications, or any other form of media or links) included in this communication have any connection to MINES & Associates, nor does MINES seek to endorse any entity by including these materials in this communication.  MINES accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided herein, nor any additional content that may be made available through any third-party site. We found them helpful, and hope you do too!

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	October 2017: Financial Wellbeing and Parenting
Get Involved!   Welcome to the October issue of TotalWellbeing! If you have been following TotalWellbeing you know that every month we focus on one of the 8 Dimensions of Wellbeing. This month as we look at where your financial wellbeing intersects with parenting, we hope you will find some good tools to help with both. Whether you are a parent or not, we all have parents and how your parents raised you has helped shape how you view your finances. And if you are a parent, how you teach your kids about finances will impact your financial wellbeing. There is a delicate balance of providing for the needs of your family and being satisfied with your current and future financial situation, and it is important to look at both. For a closer look at this month’s topic and helpful resources please check out The Path and The Connection below or check out our advice on active listening and problem solving, or check out an article that looks at kids and stress along with some quick finance tips. Always feel free to print these resources and post them around if you feel they would be helpful. Just a quick update on MINESblog this month. September 10 – 16 was National Wellness Week and to spread awareness we sent out some wellness resources. In case you missed them please feel free to circle back around because even though it isn’t wellness week any longer, any week is a great week for wellness! And don’t forget to check out the latest edition of BalancedLiving with great fall related resources just in time for the holidays As always, for more information please check out the links to the left or hit the share button to send us a message. To be notified when we post more resources and articles make sure to subscribe to MINESblog. See you next month! To your total wellbeing, The MINES Team
The Path: Where Finances intercept parenting The words finance and stress are often said in the same sentence. When we are worrying about debts, bills, and saving for the future, our wellbeing is affected and can lead to depression, anger, and lots of sleepless nights. The best thing you can do is to focus on creating a budget, sticking with it, and be mindful of how our financial stressors affect our productivity and relationships both at work and at home. As you teach your children about finances, show them the importance of saving, keeping track of your expenses, and donating to those in need. Doing these things will help them be productive adults who understand how to handle their money and may help reduce your stress as parents knowing your child(ren) will be able to survive in the whirlwind of adulthood. Being satisfied with your current financial state can be quite a challenge but ultimately if you are able to find a way to be satisfied, your wellbeing will improve and you will feel better overall. The balance of needs and wants is something everyone must look at specifically when finances are a stressor for you. Make sure to set aside a small portion of your paycheck to save for those things you desire, while using the rest to pay off those things you need. This month, check out these steps to help improve your financial wellbeing and happiness. Check out the steps here!
Tips for you: There is no right way to parent your children. Each situation is different. However, utilizing best practices can be a great starting point. Check out this month’s webinar to learn more parental development from the prenatal phase through the empty nest, or departure phase, combining the human development theories of Freud and Erikson with concrete, contemporary insights from the book, “The Six Stages of Parenting”. Check out the webinar here!
The Connection: Get Involved Wellbeing does not simply start and stop at the individual. Our community is connected to each of our own individual wellbeing in a huge way. When we are well we can better function within our community.  We can help our fellow humans thrive, and in turn, when our community is prospering, it helps each of us reach our goals as individuals. So why not help our community so we can all thrive together? Each month we will strive to bring you resources that can help you enhance the wellbeing of those around you or get involved with important causes.
Community Wellbeing Resources: This month look at how you can expand your knowledge and skills within your community. Check out your local community’s website for classes you could take or find a way to use your skills to help someone in your community. Click here to find a place to use your skills near you! If your organization has access to PersonalAdvantage make sure to check out this customizable online benefit available through MINES. It has tons of the same great resources for all the dimensions of wellbeing that we discuss here, along with some articles and a whole section of trainings on Resilience! If you haven’t checked it out yet, or want to see what resources they have for this month’s topic check out the link below. You’ll need your company login, so make sure to get that from your employer or email us and we’ll be happy to provide that to you. Check Out PersonalAdvantage Here!
If you or a member of your household needs assistance or guidance on any of these wellbeing topics, please call MINES & Associates, your EAP, today for free, confidential, 24/7 assistance at 800.873.7138.
Important Links Visit our BLOG MINES and Associates BizPsych 2017 Training Catalog Balanced Living Magazine LinkedIn MINEs Archives Contact Us Email MINES
		MINES does not warrant the materials (Audio, Video, Text, Applications, or any other form of media or links) included in this communication have any connection to MINES & Associates, nor does MINES seek to endorse any entity by including these materials in this communication.  MINES accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided herein, nor any additional content that may be made available through any third-party site. We found them helpful, and hope you do too!

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Celebrating National Father Daughter Take A Walk Day

Tomorrow we celebrate the special bond between fathers and daughters and making the effort to spend quality time together by taking a walk. Although this idea can be easily applied to parents spending time with their kids, this is a unique day evokes memories and reminds me of the important role my father has played in my life. So, if you are a father or a daughter, try to find time this week to take a walk together in some fashion. Check out https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-father-daughter-take-a-walk-day-july-7/ for more information.

The Gift of Time

Time is so valuable, especially when you are a child. You observe those around you to see how they spend their time and there is nothing better than to have someone give you their undivided attention and time. No matter what age you are, the time you have with your parents can be both valuable and enjoyable. And the time you take out of your busy schedule to be with your children can only help your overall wellbeing as there is much we can take away from our children and the younger generations as a whole. In today’s society, it is common to have the father out of touch with his kids as he works long hours to provide for the family. It has changed a bit over the years, but this day is a great reminder of the importance for not only fathers to spend time with their daughters but every parent out there to mindfully spend time with their children. It can be as simple as taking a walk around the block or laying in the yard finding animals in the clouds, or it can be taking the time to do a craft or go to the zoo together. The important thing is to give your undivided, focused attention and is something that is mutually beneficial and enjoyed by both parties (i.e. not going to the grocery store because you have to).

Walking and Wellbeing

As mentioned in one MINES’ previous blogs, walking is healthy and a great way to exercise. Walking reduces various health risks and is fairly easy to do. Walking can be a great excuse to get outdoors and enjoy your environment. Our world is an amazing place to be in and there are so many things you can observe while you are walking outdoors. Walking also lends itself to help you be mindful of your surroundings and gives you a quieter time away from your computer to think things through. Whether it is a short walk to the grocery store, or a longer hike to see the beauty of the Rocky Mountains, walking is a great exercise to do with the whole family.

Walking and Defining My Identity

One of my favorite memories growing up was taking walks with my dad. Whether it was walking the dog around the block, walking to the nearby lake to go fishing, or hiking while camping, my dad and I always had a great time talking and learning from each other. I learned the importance of integrity through his stories of his business successes and failures. I learned the importance of understanding your history and background through his storytelling of my ancestors’ adventures and how they persevered through the Depression and helped everyone they knew. I learned the importance of failing and hardships in order to ultimately succeed through his descriptions of his misspent teenage adventures and losing his father. I learned all about love and sacrifice through listening about how he and my mom met, dated, and the struggles of their marriage. Most importantly, I learned how to forgive and be positive, especially when it is hard, through our conversations about family relationships and the wrong that has been done to him and seeing how he dealt with those situations.

Walking and Developing New Relationships

My dad opened my eyes to a lot of things through our walks and talks and it has shaped me to strive to be all those things. I loved when I could make my dad’s eyes dance with mirth as I told him stories of my struggles at school or with friends, and I loved when I asked him questions and he would become serious as he considered the best way to answer. He never ducked behind the “because I said so” excuse and always treated me as a whole person. When I first introduced my husband, then boyfriend, to him, the walks became faster and longer as he tried to decipher how his little girl was growing up and liked this “boy”. His questions were good and brought lots of discussions between my husband and me, but in the end discussing those things, allowed us to build a strong, lasting relationship. Throughout the time my husband and I were dating, we would go on long walks around the city to talk things out and learn about each other. That time away from distractions was an amazing bonding time. In fact, to this day, I love going on walks with my dad or my husband to talk and figure things out.

Walking with the One’s You Love

This day celebrates Fathers and Daughters joining each other for a walk. However, the spirit of the day is to share a healthy lifestyle and spending time with your family. Whether you are a dad with a daughter or a friend of a busy family, dedicate some time today to take a walk with someone you care about. Take a deep breath of the fresh air, appreciate the woodland creatures that you see in the trees around you or in the sky, and just talk. Enjoy your social connection with those you love and let someone see a different side of you by sharing stories about yourself.

Concluding Thoughts

Whether it is a brisk walk or a leisurely stroll, enjoy the company of someone you love. If you are a parent, you only have 18 summers, unless you are a parent of a millennial then you could have 36 summers before your child could be gone from your daily life. Take advantage of this time and look for a way to connect and listen to what your kids have to say. And if you are unable to walk with your father or daughter, take a walk and think of all the wonderful memories of each other.

Happy National Father-Daughter Take a Walk Day!

To Your Wellbeing,

Raena Chatwin

MINES and Associates

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Thinking more about this made me realize how easy it is for us to lose track of what we’re needing, as well as other people’s mental health needs. As a therapist, I like to think that I am usually good at being aware of others’ needs, understanding what kind of support they are seeking, and encouraging them to pay attention to their mental health. However, when a big, life-changing event happens, or when we get wrapped up in our day to day lives, it’s easy to lose focus of what we may be lacking emotionally, and what we need to “fill up our tank”.

Because of how easy it has become for me to lose awareness, particularly on days after a very long sleepless night, I’ve started a new habit. Every day on my way home from work, after I exit on to a certain street, I use that time to check in with myself and ask myself how things are going. That exit is my signal to make myself aware of anything I may be needing.  As I work to cement this new habit into a daily ritual, I will also start to look at what strategies I can employ and how I can adjust my perspective so I won’t be burnt out or be frustrated at my darling daughter.

What is your “exit” on the way home from work? What is needed to keep your “tank” full? I encourage you to take a moment and make yourself aware of what you may be needing and how you’re doing. It doesn’t take much time and it sure beats waiting until you’re emotionally exhausted to realize you’re struggling. Once you find your “exit” and know what you need to do so you don’t get burnt out, take the necessary time to find what strategies you can employ and how you can make this a new habit.

Here are some identifiable warning signs that you be close to burning out to watch for along with some self-care tips.

Warning Signs

• Increased illness
• Loss of appetite
• Your mind feels fuzzy
• You feel stressed all the time, along with increased anxiety
• Loss of enjoyment or pleasure for working, successful completion of projects, or even being with friends and family.
• You are crabby, grouchy, or just not in a good mood
• You forget appointments, due dates, and possibly even social events.
• You have chronic fatigue

Self-Care Tips

• Just say “No”- It is ok to decline a new project if you are feeling overwhelmed.
• Take time to relax. If you need assistance with this try guided meditation, massage, or even yoga.
• Make sure you take the time to fulfill all 8 areas of your wellbeing on a regular basis to help you overcome burnout and eliminate some stressors.
  • Physical- sleep, eat, exercise enough.
  • Spiritual- keep an eye on what you value and what your purpose is and make sure you do that activity often.
  • Intellectual- Find an activity that is interesting to do- something to stretch your imagination, creativity, and make you use your brain in a different way than you do every day.
  • Financial- Try using a financial calculator or meet with a financial advisor to discuss your personal situation. Talking about your finances and knowing what you need to accomplish to be financially stable is a good starting point to feeling less stressed, overwhelmed, and burnt out.
  • Social- Even if you don’t feel like you have time, make time to be with friends and family so they can support you in your goals, or babysit your child so you can be with your partner alone.
  • Emotional- Stay positive. Find something positive each day to focus on- your daughter is healthy, you have a job etc. If you struggle with this, look up how to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.
  • Environmental- Your environment includes your social, natural outdoor, and built environment. Take time look at your surroundings and maybe check out that store or museum you always drive by because you are too busy.
  • Occupational- Take 5 minutes of your day to talk to a co-worker to learn from them, connect with them, and see how you can support each other at work.

We all have these areas that we need to fulfill in order to be successful, less stressed, and energized to face the next day and adventure. I hope with these tips and reminders, you can quickly recognize when and how to fill your “tank” and be able to handle late nights and responsibilities that we all have. And don’t forget to find that “exit” so you are reminded to take the time to do these things and be mentally aware.

As always if you need help with any of this or just need to talk, please use the resources that are available to you. If you have an Employee Assistance Program at work don’t hesitate to call them. If MINES is your EAP give us a call anytime. It’s free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day. You can reach us at 1-800-873-7138.

To Your Wellbeing,

James D. Redigan, LPC

The MINES Team

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Emotional & Social Wellbeing

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Smile, Happiness is Contagious!

Welcome to the November issue of TotalWellbeing! Later this month we will be celebrating one of the more social holidays of the year, Thanksgiving. Whether you find this time of year relaxing, fun, or even a bit stressful, what better time to discuss Emotional Wellbeing and its connection with your Social Wellbeing.  It’s no mystery that our emotions have a way of influencing our social interactions, but it works both ways; the moods, state of mind, and overall emotional state our social connections can have a direct bearing on your emotional wellbeing, be it good or bad. To explore this relationship more closely please read The Connection, below.

Last month on the MINES blog we saw the last “Bridging the Gap” of 2014. This post helped recap everything we’ve been up to this last quarter, and previewed a bit of what you can expect for the rest of 2014 coming from the MINES team. So head over and check that out if you’ve missed anything or just need a little reminder of all the wellbeing topics covered these last 3 months.

If you are following us on our blog and LinkedIn showcase pages, you can expect some great resources and enlightening discussions coming up this next month, so stay tuned and let us know what you think.

To your total wellbeing,

The MINES Team

The Connection:

Emotional & Social Wellbeing

Emotional and Social Wellbeing tie together in countless ways. For the sake of this connection we will focus on the ways social influence impacts emotions, and in turn emotions affect your social interactions. It is important to be mindful of how our emotions affect those around us or even if our emotions are keeping us from connecting on a social level at all. And in turn, always be aware of how those around you are affecting you with their moods because happiness isn’t the only emotion that’s contagious. Another important aspect of this connection is the tendency for the quality of our social life to have direct bearing on our happiness levels. In order to be happy, one needs some level of healthy social interaction. Whether one is extroverted or introverted, combined with a myriad of other factors, will determine optimal levels of social activities for a given individual, but everyone needs at least a little companionship to maintain a healthy balance in life.

Social Wellbeing

Emotional Wellbeing

Social & Emotional Development of Children with Working Parents

How to Do Emotional Clearing

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How much is enough? Ratey stated that walking is enough. Low-intensity exercise is at 55 to 65% of maximum heart rate, moderate is 65-75% and high intensity is 75-90%. “The process of getting fit is all about building up your aerobic base” (p.251). Ratey goes on to discuss the role of strength training and flexibility as important elements of optimizing your brain chemistry and hormone levels.

What does this have to do with optimizing your performance at work and in all areas of your life? Everything! Get started today and stick with it.

Have a day filled with optimal brain chemistry,

Robert A. Mines, Ph.D.
CEO & Psychologist

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